Dear Friends in Christ,
This National Day of Prayer for survivors of abuse comes from the initiative of those who have suffered abuse. They ask that one day in the Easter season is given explicitly to the intention of prayer for all who suffer abuse. Putting the day in the Easter season is intentional. It shows that the love of God always goes beyond the evil suffered just as the Resurrection goes beyond the Cross.
In no way minimalising the devastating effects of abuse, the Lord’s resurrection shows that all ends in the love and fullness life of the risen Christ. Abuse does not define the person who suffers. All who suffer – children, women, men, the vulnerable, the elderly are made in the image and likeness of the risen Lord. They are people on their way to heaven. We need to listen and learn from their experiences and not turn away.
It is the survivors of abuse who have asked that this day of prayer focus on the evil of domestic abuse. Abuse that takes place within the family. It is by far the most common occurrence of abuse, parents or adult relatives abusing children, spouses and partners abusing their spouse or partner. Data shows the prevalence of male abuse of females, but it also shows females abusing children and the male partners.
Despite this being the most common form of abuse, it is disturbingly underreported and very often hidden away. Yes, it may be difficult for others to see it, as it takes place in the privacy of the family home. Often victims of domestic abuse can fall into a manipulative trap set by the abuser that infers such behaviour is normal. Abusers always seek to isolate their victims; this will include isolating them from the family of the Church. Abusers seek to control others so that the person’s free will is impeded if not lost. Victims are often trapped by economic restrictions or cultural restrictions that seem to prohibit them from reporting the abuse. People can feel shame or cultural concerns about reporting the abuse they suffer. These false traps and restrictions, this isolation must be challenged and removed.
It is never acceptable for a child or an adult to suffer abuse in the family setting. It is never acceptable. Physical abuse, sexual abuse, psychological abuse, bullying, threats. Never acceptable.
The reality of domestic abuse is horrific. A woman is murdered in the family home every 5 days. Across the world it is a woman every ten minutes who is killed by their partner or ex partner. This does not include the women who resort to suicide to escape the evil they suffer. I share this horrendous data to show the extent of this evil.
As a diocesan family we have produced simple posters highlighting the evil of domestic abuse. The posters offer those who are suffering numbers they can ring to receive help. I ask that all our parishes have these poster on show. A good place is in the entrances of our churches but also in our parish halls and toilets.
To those who abuse: Stop and stop now. You are damning yourself to Hell let alone prison. Seek help, seek help now, but stop, stop now. Control yourself, stop controlling others. Have courage to accept you need help. You can be helped to stop this evil. Your salvation needs you to stop. Seek help now. Save yourself and save others.
To those who suffer abuse: The church and wider society invite and support those who suffer abuse to report it. Have courage, report it wherever and to whomever you can. You will be supported, report it now. As a diocesan family we offer that safe space to report it. Please contact our safeguarding team. Please speak with your priest or deacon, your headteacher or teacher. They know how to refer to those who can accompany you. In wider society, tell your doctor, your employer, your friends, tell those you trust and know will help you report it. Please make use of the many helplines that stand ready to listen and help to you. They exist for you, including Safe Spaces whose details are on our diocesan website.
To spouses, it is being a faithful spouse to report abuse. You are saving yourself and your spouse. You are bringing the Lords’ love into the relationship and casting evil out. It is not the Lord’s will that any spouse suffers abuse.
To those who suffer abuse, you are not to blame, no matter what is said to you by others. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are a child of God and a child of heaven. The Lord loves you, he journeys with you. He is with you on the Cross of the abuse you suffer. But please hear Jesus’ call, come off the cross and enter his Resurrection. Report the abuse, so that it can stop now.
Dear friends, pray that children and partners will report the abuse they suffer. Dear friends stand ready to support those who report it.
In our Gospel Jesus tells us he gives us his peace. Peace is being in right relationship with the other. Right relationship is love, which is giving oneself in service of the other. Love is not what we receive from others, it is what we are prepared to put into a relationship. Men and women are equal in the eyes of God. It is never acceptable to see another person as merely a means to our gratification or to diminish them as merely a servant of me. No, in love I serve the other. I seek the good of the other. That is true love and that is true peace too.
Jesus suffered the abuse of the leaders of his society. He was innocent. How much Jesus’ love identifies himself with those who suffer abuse in a family setting where it should be love that they receive. We pray for those who carry this horrendous cross.
May they have the courage to report it now so that they may be set free. May we all stand ready to listen to accompany those who suffer. Lord, bless all those who suffer abuse.
